Relationships and Shiftwork:

 

Keeping Your Eyes on the Prize,When the Prize is One Another

 By Janie O'Connor M.Ed

President, Shiftworker.com

 Despite having to wave at each other from across the freeway as they go to

and exit from their respective jobs, Evie Sands and Rick Hackney,

Minneapolis, Minnesota, concentrate on more important matters.  Adopting a

positive attitude allows Rick to see beyond the liabilities of shiftwork.

He points out that shiftwork allows him to enjoy seeing his kids off to

school and experience "quality time that the other shifts miss."

 Some shiftworkers and their families feel attached to the ever-changing

calendar, which directs energy towards family life.  Focusing on ways to

stay connected requires some effort on everyone‘s part.

 Just as Evie and Rick maintain strong ties, so do Andy and Molly Waidner of

Gladstone, Michigan.  Andy is a full time rotator and Molly works part time

days.  The Waidners' top priority is "making time for each other."  One

method they use is to hop in the car and go for a ride where, away from the

phone, TV and kids, they can begin to focus on, as Molly says, "just us."

During the car ride, conversations may be silly or serious. Either way, the

couple reconnects and refocuses.  Molly says, "It’s been the best thing we

have done for us as a couple, and it follows that when the Mama is happy,

everybody is happy."

 

 

Meeting One Another In the Middle

 

By Janie O'Connor M.Ed

President, Shiftworker.com

 

Who juggles the individual schedules in your family? The master planner in

most shiftworking households is the wife -- even if she is employed outside

of shiftwork. A 1990 article from "Sociological Abstracts" reports that

wives who take on this juggling act often demonstrate physical and

emotional symptoms that are common to shiftworkers. These include chronic

fatigue, gastrointestinal problems and strained relationships.

Despite their efforts to be providers, shiftworking husbands may feel

guilty and angry about not being able to fully participate in family life.

Some of their guilt may rest in realizing that their wives retain primary

responsibility of child care.

Respondents in training sessions say that improving the shiftwork lifestyle

starts at home. Comments include: "Time off includes my wife and children

as well as golf," and "I vow to re-commit to more spontaneity with my wife."

Traditional gender roles are changing. Among the shiftworking population,

examining and modifying traditional female/male roles is critical to

stabilizing family life. Adjusting routines in order to interact as a

family unit needs to be the responsibility of both husband and wife.

Helpful Hints:

* Ask questions of your partner that get at feelings.

* Pace yourself. Don’t let shiftwork get you and your relationship

off-balance.

 

 

'My Problem is I Don't Sleep With My Wife'" [ intimacy.htm ]

Dear Janie,

A problem I have with shiftwork is I don’t sleep with my wife. We are

on different schedules and can’t sleep together at night. It’s not what I

expected when I got married. What do other people do?

T.J., Minneapolis, MN

Dear T.J.,

You’re right. A lot of shiftworkers don’t sleep with their spouses. It’s

not really talked abut in the literature, but it is mentioned in many

lunch/break rooms of 24 hour operations. For shiftworkers who report a

positive adjustment to sexual intimacy, flexibility is an important factor.

They say you need to "look at your sexual patterns and perceptions." To do

so, consider the following questions.

Committed partners are creative in their pursuit of shared intimacy.